[	Current Mood	|	tired	]
[	Current Music	|	The Booze!	]

This year has been a whirlwind of emotions for me. I had so much hope for 2008. I thought things were going to be better. Looking back on 2007, I realized that a lot of crappy things had happened from the end of July on to November. My grandpa died, the Lafayette bullshit happened, Scott's friends were all shitty to me, we got scabies, my uncle died. I wanted a fresh start. A clean slate.

7 days into 2008, my friend killed himself. I saw on his myspace he had written a blog about how he didn't want to be himself anymore and he couldn't forget bad memories - this was 2 days before he did it. If I had seen that blog beforehand, man, I would have done something. I hate to think that way, but I just feel awful. I had been there for him and his depression over the summer but the last few months we had drifted apart. One of our emails back and forth I had saved. I read it sometimes and just think about him.

10 days later, Scott broke up with me. Said he needed to figure things out and I needed the chance to live on my own and be independent. I am completely devastated.  Thank god he let me keep the apartment. He said I was the love of his life and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, but we had to do this to salvage our relationship. What a bunch of fucking lies.

I survived mid-terms. 2 papers and 4 tests over 10 days.

I want to be in Lafayette this summer any chance I get. I just feel better when I'm there.  At least now I can breathe again. That's all that matters. I am free, I know what I want, and I'm just going to try to make the best out of what I get from now on. I'm too young to be tied back. I'm too young to be living with a dude, period. I can finally roam in my own way and it feels great.

I'm happy. I just wish I could be honest with myself. I wonder if I'm wrapped up in emotions that I've held for half a decade. Things are so fucking bizzare sometimes. If someone would have come up to me 6 months ago and told me how things were going to be right now, I would have beaten the shit out of them. It's been so fucking rough. I think I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish I could just stay down in New Orleans. There are so many things down here that make me happy. I feel like I've gotten the breather I've needed for the last 2 months. Hopefully I can look at things with a better perspective now that I've had a break from everything. Hopefully things will start to get easier. I've done so much here and I feel really good about the choices I've made. I hope my luck is finally starting to turn around. 

oh yeah! i got a crappy tattoo and i met henry rollins. woohoo.